You Can Benefit from “Negative” Self-talk
“Negative” self-talk is destructive when you allow it to use you; however, it can be most constructive when you use “it” mindfully. Your self-talk is not to be feared, nor fought. It is a call for your attention. Use your self-talk to obtain valuable information. This will increase your awareness of the beliefs you are carrying enabling you to create new beliefs in alignment with your intentions.
Here’s the framework…
- Write down precisely what you are saying to yourself
- Make a note of how this self-talk makes you feel
- Drop the label “negative” from your self-talk and appraise it as valuable information
- Ask yourself, “What beliefs are underlying my self-talk?”
- As you begin to identify beliefs, you will begin to hear a conversation between two inner voices; a “fearful disempowering voice” and a “loving affirming voice”
- This conversation between the “two voices” will often identify other beliefs so continue to write down this valuable information
- Use this data to create Empowering Affirmations
- Out of habit, the “old” self-talk may show up. Use Mental Principle #8 Cancel and Replace technique to interrupt the old patterns and establish the new mindfully created Empowering Affirmations
Step 1 – I write down precisely what I am saying to myself:
- I just can’t move forward in cultivating my coaching practice
Step 2 – This is how I am feeling as I hear this self-talk:
- I feel tight, foggy, tense, and tired, frustrated and sad
Step 3 – I mindfully drop the label “negative” from my self-talk:
- This self-talk offers me an opportunity to gain volumes of valuable information
Step 4 – What beliefs are underlying my self-talk?
- I’m not good enough
- I don’t know enough
Step 5 – I hear my fearful voice affirming:
- I might hurt someone
- I may disappoint myself
- What if I’m no good at this!?
I hear my loving voice affirming:
- I do have many skills
- I do have many resources, trusted associates, professional materials etc.
- I have a passion for people and love to support them
- I will attract those who are ready to receive my support at my present level of development
- Supporting these people with enable me to gain experience and become a better and better coach
My fearful voice affirms:
- Successes may have backlashes
- If I am successful I may lose friends, intimidate others, I might be judged
Step 6 – I see how I am carrying other beliefs:
- Success means I may lose something
- I am concerned with how others view me
My loving voice affirms:
- Many people need and want what I have to offer
- This is about a loving intention to share my gifts and skills with others
- I owe it to myself, and others, to have an experience
- I want to move from “How am I doing?” to “How can I help?”
Step 7 – Create Empowering Affirmations
- I am enjoying the process of building my coaching practice
- My love and passion for people attracts me into action and attracts people to me
- Lives are enhanced as I apply my God given talents and bring rich resources to my practice members
Step 8 – Cancel & Replace Techniques
Whenever old self-talk shows up, I apply the Cancel & Replace Technique. I interrupt the old self-talk and replace it with my Empowering Affirmations. I then redirect my attention back toward my loving and meaningful intentions.
For a greater understanding of “The Two Voices” read the “Intentions” Article, “You’re Not Going Crazy, You’re Just Waking Up.”
for more on Intention, Awareness, Appraisal, Belief Expansion, Cancel & Replace Techniques and more.
See The Power of Intention exercise to develop greater clarity of intent.
This content may be forwarded in full, with attribution in tact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit context. For other uses, permission in writing from John Felitto is required. Questions: email John@EvokeYourGreatness.com