{"id":3370,"date":"2009-03-04T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-03-04T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/helping-your-older-parents-stay-happy-and-healthy\/"},"modified":"2021-06-23T00:46:46","modified_gmt":"2021-06-23T00:46:46","slug":"helping-your-older-parents-stay-happy-and-healthy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/helping-your-older-parents-stay-happy-and-healthy\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Your Older Parents Stay Happy and Healthy"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you’re fortunate enough to have one or both parents still living, you may have noticed a role reversal taking place in your relationship. Remember the days when Mom shuttled you to the doctor whenever you were sick? Now, it may be you who’s driving her to her medical appointments. Perhaps you’ve become even more involved in managing her healthcare needs \u2013 serving as her healthcare proxy, moving her into your home to care for her, or even having to select a nursing home for her to live in. Whatever the case, it’s natural to feel challenged \u2013 and, yes, intimidated \u2013 in the role you’ve undertaken. But if you stay positive and proactive, you’ll be in a great position to advocate for your parents’ optimal care. And, really, what better way is there to say “Thank You” for all they’ve done for you over the years?<\/p>\n

The following six recommendations will help you understand what may be happening to your parents as they age \u2013 and what you can do to help.<\/p>\n

1. Stay vigilant to sudden changes. <\/b><\/p>\n

Typically, sudden changes arise from sudden problems. Your elderly father who becomes confused one week but was alert and oriented the week before, or becomes unsteady walking and starts falling, is likely experiencing an acute problem \u2013 an infection, medication side effect, or\u00a0perhaps, a heart attack or stroke.<\/p>\n

If you pay attention to your parent\u2019s baseline health and behavior, you\u2019ll be alert to sudden, and subtle, fluctuations. Being attuned to what\u2019s \u201cnormal\u201d for your parent is critical in advocating for his care. By informing his physician of these changes, you help ensure that he receives a proper diagnosis and timely treatment \u2013 especially important in acute conditions.<\/p>\n

2. Investigate the source of gradual decline.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Several years ago, I met an elderly woman living in a nursing home. Her family, assuming she had dementia, had moved her there after she had gradually stopped speaking. After performing a brief procedure on her, I asked how she was doing. \u201cI\u2019m OK,\u201d she replied.<\/p>\n

A miracle? Not exactly. I\u2019d removed bullet-sized pieces of wax from her ears. She\u2019d stopped speaking because her ears were too plugged to hear.<\/p>\n

A host of conditions can cause gradual decline. Before jumping to the conclusion \u2013 as many people do \u2013 that Alzheimer\u2019s disease is the culprit, recognize that your parent may be experiencing an altogether different problem: a vitamin B12 deficiency, an underactive thyroid, Parkinson\u2019s disease or depression, to name a few.<\/p>\n

When discussing your parent\u2019s decline with her physician, make sure the two of you consider all the possibilities. To prepare for the appointment, make notes detailing how her decline has manifested itself \u2013 loss of appetite, a failing short-term memory and so forth \u2013 and how long you\u2019ve noticed these changes. That way, you won’t leave anything out.<\/p>\n

3. Know thy parent\u2019s medicine cabinet.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

Familiarize yourself with the medications your parent takes: what each one is for and how often he takes them. Make sure you notify each <\/i>doctor your parent visits of all the<\/i> medicine he takes, including over-the-counter products. Ask what side effects you might observe from each medication and whether it\u2019s potentially dangerous if your parent takes them together. You also want to tell the doctor whether your parent drinks alcohol or caffeinated drinks and whether he smokes, as these substances can affect some medications\u2019 efficacy and safety.<\/p>\n

Simply put, ageism is prejudice against the elderly. It exists in many forms but can be particularly
\ndamaging to an older person\u2019s self-esteem when it assumes that all of her woes are age-related.<\/p>\n

Here are a couple of ways of expressing ageism to an elderly parent:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you expect at your <\/i>age?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not getting any younger.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re ever tempted to utter something similar, remind yourself that by chalking up everything that ails her to her age, you sell your parent short. If she\u2019s depressed, it may have nothing to do with the fact that she\u2019s 80 and everything to do with a biological predisposition to depression. And remember that right-knee pain in a 90 year-old can’t be just from age if there’s no problem with\u00a0her left knee.<\/p>\n

5. Address not just symptoms\u2014but emotions, too.\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

There is disease and then there is \u201cdis-ease\u201d \u2013 that is, a lack of ease, security or well-being. \u201cDis-ease\u201d can manifest itself as myriad emotions in an elderly person: fear, grief, boredom, embarrassment and sadness among them. The fact is, these emotions can be every bit as debilitating as disease.<\/p>\n

Take the case of a parent who\u2019s incontinent. Too embarrassed to socialize, she cuts herself off from friends. Without companionship, she becomes lonely. Instead of allowing her to become a hermit, discuss with her doctor how to address the incontinence. Together, you can consider different solutions that will ease her embarrassment and reinvigorate her social life.<\/p>\n

6. Strive to maximize your parent\u2019s quality of life.<\/b><\/p>\n

No matter our age, we all want to enjoy life to the fullest and have the capability to do the things we want to. Improving the enjoyment of life and a patient\u2019s functional ability are the cardinal goals of geriatric care. But you don\u2019t need a medical diploma on your wall to help your parent achieve either of those goals.<\/p>\n

Being there to solve a problem or provide company are tremendously worthwhile services you can provide \u2013 no expertise required. Remember, as your parent gets older, his quality of life becomes more important to him than how much longer he lives. And he doesn\u2019t necessarily need medications or surgery to ensure that he\u2019s living the latter part of his life to the fullest.<\/p>\n

If he enjoys books but has difficulty reading regular-sized type, check out sight-saving titles at the library. If he\u2019s grieving the loss of his best buddy, introduce him to new acquaintances at the senior center. If he\u2019s living in a nursing home, bring your kids there to share a meal with him.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, it\u2019s the small gestures that have the most profound impact. As the child of an elderly parent, you are uniquely positioned to deliver these life-changing gifts.<\/p>\n

By Dr. Robert Stall<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The following six recommendations will help you understand what may be happening to your parents as they age \u2013 and what you can do to help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,5,6,9],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[945],"class_list":["post-3370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","category-caregiver-issues","category-eldercare","category-mental-health-emotional-issues"],"authors":[{"term_id":945,"user_id":0,"is_guest":1,"slug":"robert-stall","display_name":"Robert Stall M.D.","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/?s=96&d=mm&r=g","1":"","2":"","3":"","4":"","5":"","6":"","7":"","8":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3370","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3370"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3370\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4323,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3370\/revisions\/4323"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3370"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3370"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3370"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=3370"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}