{"id":3152,"date":"2004-01-12T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2004-01-12T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/help-your-heart-grow\/"},"modified":"2021-06-29T15:02:02","modified_gmt":"2021-06-29T15:02:02","slug":"help-your-heart-grow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/help-your-heart-grow\/","title":{"rendered":"Help Your Heart Grow"},"content":{"rendered":"

I turned into my parents\u2019 driveway in Maryland and parked the car.
\nBefore I could even step out and close the door, Mom flew out of the backyard, gesturing frantically.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour father had a breakdown,\u201d<\/i> she blurted. \u201cYour brother took him to the hospital. He\u2019s on the sixth floor. Go. Go. You need to go to him right now.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWait a second, Mom,\u201d<\/i> I gently asserted. \u201cWhat happened? What hospital?\u201d<\/i>
\n\u201cHe didn\u2019t eat anything, like he\u2019s supposed to. He started flailing himself around, threatening to kill himself. Your brother had to hold him down. Go.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, Mom.\u201d<\/i> I squeezed her tight. \u201cWe\u2019ll take care of him.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

I remembered earlier that morning how Dad disappeared from the kitchen. I sought him out to say goodbye and found him curled up in a fetal position on his bed.
\n\u201cHey, man,\u201d<\/i> I razzed. \u201cTaking a little nappy?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d<\/i> he mumbled. \u201cI\u2019ll be alright.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cStrange answer,\u201d<\/i> I thought to myself as I gave him a kiss and left.<\/p>\n

I found Dad on the sixth floor of the Medical Center, sitting in the corner with my brother, Laird. His seeing eye dog lay curled at his feet.
\n\u201cHey guys,\u201d<\/i> I smiled. \u201cWhat\u2019s the word?\u201d<\/i>
\n\u201cI guess I got kinda\u2019 depressed,\u201d<\/i> Dad confessed. \u201cI forgot to put food in my system. I\u2019m alright now.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

I looked over at Laird, who shook his head\u2014a telling communication. I\u2019d hear the details later.
\n\u201cMy blood sugar must have really dropped,\u201d<\/i> Dad added.
\n\u201cGotta\u2019 eat,\u201d<\/i> I empathized.<\/p>\n

Diabetes, selling a house, leaving the state of his ancestors after 69 years to move to Florida, learning to cope with blindness\u2014any one of these might trigger a meltdown.
\nI knew my Dad would resist more than a trifling of professional help.
\nToo much shame.<\/p>\n

Wait a second.
\nWhere did the judgment start?
\nWho decreed our superhuman nature?
\nWhat happened to compassion, for others and ourselves, the soulful cry that recognizes our humanity, faults and shortcomings included, weaknesses acknowledged, differences celebrated?<\/p>\n

Does another person\u2019s struggle bring us down so much that we teach and preach denial as an alternative?
\n\u201cBuck up. Tighten your chinstrap. Get a grip.\u201d<\/i>
\nA grip on what?<\/p>\n

We stuff emotions, squelch our feelings and put up false fronts of courage for the sake of appearances.
\nWe deny our right to sit with our own suffering and reflect, grieve or cut ourselves any slack.
\nLike a dormant volcano, our insides churn with prejudice and bias, slanted views painted by others, seldom questioned or examined.
\nRampant dis-ease.<\/p>\n

When the volcano blows, the lava takes the form of cancer, heart attacks, depression and other illness.
\nWhat if we poked a few holes in that mountain of pride before it swelled to explosion?
\nWhat if we forgave and accepted, praised and lauded our crazy diversity?
\nCould we release the steam before it gushes and burns?<\/p>\n

Try today, at least once to pick a moment and notice someone else\u2019s struggle\u2014without mental commentary or your idea of a fix.
\nReach out without expectation.
\nThen do the same exercise on yourself.
\nYou, too, deserve untainted appreciation.
\nGive yourself a break.<\/p>\n

Thanks, Dad, for showing us your human side.
\nIt helps us love you even more.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s A View From The Ridge\u2026<\/b><\/p>\n

Ridgely Goldsborough<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The author encounters an experience with his father during and emergency that reveals how more compassion and understanding are needed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[1050],"class_list":["post-3152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging"],"authors":[{"term_id":1050,"user_id":0,"is_guest":1,"slug":"ridgely-goldsborough","display_name":"Ridgely Goldsborough","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/?s=96&d=mm&r=g","1":"","2":"","3":"","4":"","5":"","6":"","7":"","8":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3152","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3152"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3152\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5105,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3152\/revisions\/5105"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3152"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3152"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3152"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=3152"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}