{"id":2902,"date":"1998-03-01T12:00:00","date_gmt":"1998-03-01T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/condolence-sympathy-my-wish-for-you\/"},"modified":"2021-06-21T15:21:50","modified_gmt":"2021-06-21T15:21:50","slug":"condolence-sympathy-my-wish-for-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/condolence-sympathy-my-wish-for-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Condolence & Sympathy My Wish For You"},"content":{"rendered":"

As they say, death comes in threes…<\/p>\n

The third was a call that I had been expecting for many years, in some regards hoping for…hearing that my Grandmother had died.<\/p>\n

We lost her five years ago to the affects of Alzheimer’s…making it part of “The Longest Goodbye.”<\/p>\n

I don’t know if you are ever really ready, despite the intellectualizing, and all of the preparation. My aunt and uncle did not want to have a service. We may do something at Christmas, a moment of silence, perhaps getting a plant, but it seemed that I needed to do something more.<\/p>\n

My coping, as always, was turning to poetry. For the first time I managed to get down on paper, a lot of my feelings about death and having supervised many deaths as a physician.<\/p>\n

So to Grandma, Mildred Dyer, my last remaining Grandparent…who died December 9, 1998.<\/p>\n

My Wish For You<\/b><\/p>\n

Life brought you many challenges
\nmany struggles and many hardships.
\nThe years left their marks as lines on your face
\nand gray-hues colored your hair.
\nThe sun weathered your skin
\nadding freckles from age.
\nYour mind slipped into it’s own world
\nwhere few could reach you,
\nAs time took it’s toll.<\/p>\n

We lost you years before
\nto the disease that steals the mind
\nand leaves behind the body to slowly fade,
\nwith the passage of time.
\nA disease known as “the longest goodbye.”
\nThe person we once knew,
\nthe one I called “Grandmother,”
\nwas lost in a haze
\nof mixed up neurons and faulty wiring.
\nIt became impossible to learn anything new
\nleaving you unaware of the second just past
\nand unable to project a second into the future.
\nLife was now lived moment to moment, instant to instant,
\nhappy lost in old memories
\nand brief recollections.<\/p>\n

And ever so often and ever so briefly
\na spark of recognition.
\nThe person who once was
\nnow hidden behind the confusion
\nemerging to make herself known.
\nAs a physician trained to save and prolong life
\nwith so many instances of having to do “everything”
\nobliging by the family’s wishes,
\nI often wondered:
\n“Who are we to presume we are more powerful,
\nmore knowledgeable, more omnipotent
\nthan the forces of nature.”
\nTo hear frail bones crack
\nunder the pressure of the CODE
\nAnd watch as the signs of life ebb away
\nwhile the team valiantly endeavors
\nin a futile attempt to turn back the hands of time.
\nI see this struggle to stop the inevitable death
\nover and over again
\nand it is not one that I would wish
\nfor my patients, my family or my loved ones.<\/p>\n

My wish for you
\nin this season of goodwill towards men
\nand for every day since we “lost” you
\nIs for a peaceful death,
\na good death
\na death of days gone by.
\nFor you to slip away
\nwithout fanfare
\nwithout sirens
\nwithout shouting
\nwithout pain
\nand without CODES
\nAnd find a rest without waking.<\/p>\n

This year we both got our wish for Christmas.
\nYou left us with serenity and dignity
\nquietly and peacefully in your sleep,
\nThe way you had asked to go.<\/p>\n

Kirsti Dyer, MD, MS<\/em>
\nCopyright 1997-8 by Journey of Hearts A Healing Place in CyberSpace\u2122. <\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This poem is a touching goodbye to a beloved grandmother.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[1169],"class_list":["post-2902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-grief-and-bereavement"],"authors":[{"term_id":1169,"user_id":0,"is_guest":1,"slug":"kristi-dyer-md-ms","display_name":"Kirsti Dyer, MD, MS","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/?s=96&d=mm&r=g","author_category":"","first_name":"Kristy","last_name":"Dyer","user_url":"http:\/\/www.journeyofhearts.org\/","job_title":"","description":"Journey of Hearts A Healing Place in CyberSpace\u2122 is the creation of physician, Dr. Kirsti A. Dyer, with contributions from many colleagues, friends, and website visitors. It is the combined effort of those who have experienced many different types of losses. Empowering Caregivers featured the site in the Spotlight last month because of the value it brings to all those who visit.\r\n

\r\nThe website is for anyone who has ever experienced a loss or a significant life changes. It is well-known that losses and changes can impact a person's life--forever. The losses referred to on this site can be acute or long-standing and can result in feelings of grief, stress, depression, loneliness or helplessness."}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2902","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2902"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2902\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4222,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2902\/revisions\/4222"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2902"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2902"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2902"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=2902"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}