{"id":2786,"date":"2002-09-20T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2002-09-20T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/faded-flower-excerpt-by-paul-mccusker\/"},"modified":"2021-06-22T16:03:49","modified_gmt":"2021-06-22T16:03:49","slug":"faded-flower-excerpt-by-paul-mccusker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/faded-flower-excerpt-by-paul-mccusker\/","title":{"rendered":"Faded Flower Excerpt by Paul McCusker"},"content":{"rendered":"

Funny, the difference a few hours can make. At 4:30 P.M., Frank Reynolds still has a sense of accomplishment and control. By five o\u2019clock, he\u2019s lost his job of twenty-two years. By six o\u2019clock, he\u2019s learned of his father\u2019s Alzheimer\u2019s disease. An hour-and-a-half is all it has taken to turn Frank\u2019s world upside down, thrusting him and his family onto a path none of them could ever have expected.<\/p>\n

The one certain thing now is change. For Frank, that means grappling with the painful implications of unemployment and his father\u2019s illness. For Pap, it means facing the heartbreaking realities of the affliction that is stealing his mind. For Frank\u2019s high-school-graduate son, Greg, it consists of finding his own path in life despite his father\u2019s disapproval. And for Frank\u2019s wife, Colleen, and daughter, Vickie, it involves surprisingly pleasant discoveries as the family, moving to Frank\u2019s childhood town, creates a future amid the ghosts of Frank\u2019s past.<\/p>\n

On the outskirts of Peabody stands an imposing old mansion known as The Faded Flower. For many, it is both a beginning and an end. For the Reynoldses, it is the place where God\u2019s grace will unfold, changing their understanding of what life is about–and for Frank, resurrecting faith, hope, and purpose in ways he\u2019s never dreamed.<\/p>\n

Frank eyed his father for signs of change, any proof of what Aunt Minnie had told them in her letter. Pap looked the same as he always did\u2014smiling face, twinkling eyes, thin strands of gray hair adorning his otherwise bald top. Were those brown age spots just above his forehead? Frank couldn\u2019t tell. He wore brown polyester trousers and a blue-and-white-checked flannel shirt. He\u2019s starting to dress like an old man, Frank thought. Had he always, or was Frank only now noticing for the first time? \u201cHow are you feeling, Dad?\u201d asked Frank.<\/p>\n

\u201cNever felt better.\u201d<\/p>\n

Frank looked at him surprised. \u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I did feel better one weekend in 1947. Do you remember 1947, Minnie?\u201d<\/p>\n

Aunt Minnie was indignant. \u201cYou must be joking. I was a mere child.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pap turned his attention to Vicki. \u201cYou\u2019re getting awfully big. You better stop growing, or you\u2019ll have to marry a basketball player.\u201d<\/p>\n

Vicki grinned at him. Pap always said that to her. Frank had thought it charming before, but now he wondered if it was another symptom.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, boy, how\u2019s school? Last year, right?\u201d Pap asked Greg. Then he suddenly pointed a finger at Greg\u2019s goatee. \u201cAre you growing a moustache?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot really,\u201d Greg replied, touching his chin self-consciously.<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you hear about the man who grew his beard so long that, one day when he was running for the bus, he tripped on it and ran all the way up to his chin?\u201d<\/p>\n

Greg laughed politely, but Frank knew that Greg had heard Pap tell that joke dozens of times before.<\/p>\n

\u201cGot enough money?\u201d Pap asked and reached for his wallet.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t, Dad. We\u2019re fine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not what I hear. I hear you got laid off. Isn\u2019t that right? Though it might\u2019ve been nice if you\u2019d told me yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

Frank shot a disapproving look to Aunt Minnie. She shrugged.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow many years were you with that company?\u201d Pap asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cTwenty.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pap shook his head. \u201cNope, that\u2019s no good at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s good to have a career change at my age. I thought I might get on as the window wiper at the car wash.\u201d Frank tried to speak lightly, but it sounded hard and dull.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019ll wrinkle your fingers,\u201d Pap retorted. \u201cAnd how\u2019re you gonna afford to keep Greg in school?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr buy me a belly-button ring?\u201d Vicki interjected.<\/p>\n

Pap started to fish through his wallet again. \u201cTake some money.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPut it away. You think you\u2019re going to pay his tuition with what you\u2019ve got in there? A dollar and some old business cards won\u2019t do it, Dad.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pap frowned at him. \u201cYou can\u2019t stop me from giving my grandchildren something. How about money for Greg\u2019s first date with one of those coeds? I\u2019ve been watching college football games. They\u2019re mighty cute.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s just TV,\u201d said Greg. \u201cAll the girls I\u2019ve seen have thick glasses, crooked teeth, and stringy hair.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must be hanging around the English department.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWatch it, buster. I was an English major,\u201d Aunt Minnie said.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy point exactly,\u201d Pap said. \u201cYou make sure to date while you\u2019re in college. That\u2019s how I met your grandmother. She was working in the library at the University and I was…\u201d<\/p>\n

Frank rolled his eyes. \u201cHere we go again.\u201d It was a story they\u2019d all heard a million times and could repeat by heart.<\/p>\n

This time, though, Pap stopped himself and looked confused. \u201cI was doing something. What was I doing? Help me, Minnie. She was your sister.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow should I know? It was your first meeting,\u201d she replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were sisters. I thought you talked about those sorts of things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe only talked about the good-looking boys.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGet out of my house, you old bug.\u201d<\/p>\n

Aunt Minnie sat down in Pap\u2019s favorite easy chair. \u201cThe only thing she said about you was that you kept annoying her at the library.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI kept making noise to get her attention.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou almost got her fired.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA small sacrifice for love.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou were just jealous because I didn\u2019t ask you out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Aunt Minnie chuckled and shook her head. By now Greg and Vicki were sitting on the couch like spectators. They watched Pap and Minnie like they watched their favorite television shows.<\/p>\n

Pap gestured with great flourish. \u201cI stood on the library steps and sang her a song when she came out. It was a regular serenade on my ukulele. I\u2019ll never forget it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNeither will we. You bring it up every time we\u2019re together,\u201d Frank grumbled.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd then I…\u201d Pap stopped again, a shadow crossing his face. He clearly couldn\u2019t remember what happened next. He didn\u2019t know what to say. It was an awkward moment, and Frank looked to Aunt Minnie to help.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe point your grandfather is trying to make,\u201d she said to Greg, to recover the situation, \u201cis that you should get yourself to college and meet a woman like your grandmother.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pap nodded. \u201cThat\u2019s right. You don\u2019t need an education when you have a woman like that. And if you can\u2019t find one like her, then look for one like your Aunt Minnie here. In the English department.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s if I go to college,\u201d Greg said with affected nonchalance.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow, Greg\u2014\u201d Frank began, but Colleen stepped in like a referee.<\/p>\n

She spoke quickly. \u201cI think that\u2019s enough reminiscing for now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you have a dog?\u201d Vicki suddenly asked Pap.<\/p>\n

\u201cA dog? No, why?\u201d<\/p>\n

Colleen deftly fielded the question. \u201cBecause we were thinking of getting you one for your birthday. Which reminds me: happy birthday!\u201d She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it my birthday? I forgot,\u201d Pap said. \u201cGuess it\u2019s \u2019cause there were no presents around to remind me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Colleen patted him on the arm. \u201cBe patient.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid you all eat? Are you hungry? I made some stew,\u201d said Pap, with a brisk rubbing of his hands.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe had a big breakfast,\u201d Frank told him.<\/p>\n

Pap looked at his watch. \u201cBut it\u2019s 2:15. You must be starving.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s ten \u2019til twelve,\u201d Greg said.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t argue with me. It\u2019ll only take a minute to warm up.\u201d Pap hustled off to the kitchen.<\/p>\n

\u201cEven less if you use that watch,\u201d Greg declared after him.<\/p>\n

\u201cHis watch has been stopped at 2:15 for three weeks,\u201d Minnie informed them quietly.<\/p>\n

Vicki leaned to her mother and said, \u201cI hope he isn\u2019t going to make the stew out of that dog food.\u201d<\/p>\n

Gesturing to Aunt Minnie, Frank headed for the front porch. Colleen followed. A moment later, Aunt Minnie stepped out to join them. Though the sun was out, it was cool and Frank shoved his hands into his pockets. The women hugged themselves.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell?\u201d Aunt Minnie asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe looks good,\u201d Colleen said, pleased. \u201cThe way you talked on the phone, I expected\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

Minnie held up a hand and double-checked to make sure Pap was still in the kitchen. \u201cWe went to the doctor\u2019s this morning. That\u2019s why we were late.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDr. Janssen?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. This was a specialist Dr. Janssen wanted Pap to see. Over in Brownsville.\u201d Aunt Minnie looked out towards the street and for a moment Frank saw the age in her face. \u201cIt was all I could do to get him there. Finally I had to tell him we were going so that I could get a checkup.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what happened?\u201d Frank asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe confirmed what Dr. Janssen said. Your father has Alzheimer\u2019s disease. And it\u2019s getting worse all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow is it getting worse? Your letter didn\u2019t have a lot of details except that he fell down the stairs and keeps losing things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s nothing big, Frank. It\u2019s just … a lot of little things like I told you on the phone.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat \u2018little things\u2019?\u201d Frank asked, checking his volume. \u201cI didn\u2019t think falling down the stairs was a \u2018little thing.\u2019 What other kinds of little things are there? Did he get hit by a truck? Maybe he fell asleep underneath a moving bulldozer?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRelax, Frank,\u201d Colleen said.<\/p>\n

Aunt Minnie sighed. She didn\u2019t seem to know where to begin. \u201cDid you notice his shoes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHis shoes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was wearing slip-ons,\u201d Colleen remembered.<\/p>\n

Frank looked surprised. His father hated slip-ons. He called them \u201csissy-shoes.\u201d Frank had bought him a pair for Christmas one year, and as far as he knew Pap had never worn them. He searched Minnie\u2019s face for answers.<\/p>\n

Minnie swallowed hard and said in a soft voice that trembled ever so slightly, \u201cOne afternoon a couple of weeks ago I came over, and he was sitting here. Just sitting. He looked like he\u2019d been crying. At first I thought he\u2019d been thinking about Martha … he\u2019s been doing that a lot lately. Reminiscing a lot about your mother. I guess that\u2019s one of the things that happens. With Alzheimer\u2019s, I mean. People get more emotional than they used to be. But he wasn\u2019t crying about your mother. Not this time, at least. He was crying because he\u2019d forgotten how to tie his shoes.\u201d<\/p>\n

Frank was stunned. Colleen lowered her head.<\/p>\n

Minnie wiped her nose with a tissue she\u2019d retrieved from a pocket. \u201cOne morning in August, Bill McKendricks found your dad out front in his bathrobe trying to shovel snow off the driveway. Needless to say, it caused quite a stir around here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, great.\u201d Frank shook his head and paced around the porch.<\/p>\n

\u201cI caught him one morning as he was heading out the door for work,\u201d Minnie went on.<\/p>\n

\u201cWork?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was wearing a pair of overalls and his old miner\u2019s cap. He was headed for the mines.\u201d<\/p>\n

Colleen sat down on the glider. It made rusty noises at her.<\/p>\n

Frank scrubbed his chin as he tried to sort through what Minnie was saying. \u201cBut is that enough to have him put in a home?\u201d he eventually asked. \u201cWhy does he need care?\u201d<\/p>\n

Minnie leveled her gaze at Frank. \u201cApart from doing something dangerous, or hurting himself, he\u2019s also having accidents.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAccidents?\u201d Frank asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mean accidents,\u201d Colleen said.<\/p>\n

Minnie nodded. \u201cHe\u2019s losing control of his body.\u201d<\/p>\n

Frank leaned against the porch rail. My father is in diapers, he thought.<\/p>\n

\u201cHis forgetfulness is chronic,\u201d Minnie said. \u201cOne evening I came around to find he hadn\u2019t eaten all day. He insisted he had, but I could tell he hadn\u2019t. When I tried to fix him something, he kept protesting that he\u2019d eaten just a few minutes ago, and I knew full well that he was wrong. Then after I\u2019d fed him and cleared the plates away, he wanted to know when it was time to eat because he was starving.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis must be awful for you,\u201d Colleen said softly. \u201cYou should have told us sooner.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t know what to say,\u201d Aunt Minnie replied, tears coming to her eyes. \u201cEverything was spread out over time, so I didn\u2019t think it was anything but forgetfulness and confusion. The kind we all get at this age. But now I feel terrible because I can\u2019t take care of him. Not the way he needs. And there\u2019re the other feelings I get. Feelings I\u2019m ashamed of.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat kind of feelings?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHurt, mostly. He accused me of stealing his pen. It wasn\u2019t even a special pen, just something he\u2019d picked up at the bank. But he couldn\u2019t find it, and he called me in a rage. He said I was a thief. I told him I didn\u2019t have his pen, that he\u2019d probably misplaced it, but then he called me a liar and hung up. I almost stopped speaking to him altogether for that. But then it dawned on me what was happening. That\u2019s when I insisted he go to Dr. Janssen.\u201d She sniffled and blew her nose.<\/p>\n

Vicki appeared at the screen door, her face a mosaic through the mesh. \u201cYou better come in.\u201d<\/p>\n

There was a loud rumbling coming from the kitchen. When Frank walked in, he saw Pap standing at the sink. The cupboard doors beneath it were open, and Pap was kicking at the pipes. Greg was sitting on a chair rubbing his foot. He gave Frank a helpless look.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat in the world\u2014,\u201d Frank began to say.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s all right,\u201d Pap said as he continued to jab his foot into the cupboard. \u201cIt\u2019s the pipes under the sink. They vibrate and make a racket, and you have to kick them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI tried,\u201d Greg said, still rubbing his foot.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve gotta do it a certain way,\u201d Pap admonished him. He gave the sink one last kick, and the pipes went quiet. He turned to Greg. \u201cAre you gonna be all right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Greg wiggled his foot around. \u201cI think it\u2019ll live.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou should get those pipes fixed, Dad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m used to them.\u201d He waved everyone to the kitchen table. \u201cEverybody sit down, eat some stew.\u201d<\/p>\n

Aunt Minnie looked at the clock above the sink. \u201cI can\u2019t stay. I\u2019ve got to run.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? What\u2019s the rush?\u201d He looked at his watch. \u201cIt\u2019s only 2:15.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m getting you a new watch, Dad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t need a new watch, this one works fine. Why are you running off, Minnie?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRose Benson asked me to drive her to the hairdresser\u2019s.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe hairdresser! Again?\u201d Pap protested. \u201cI swear, she\u2019s got it a different color every time I see her. I\u2019m gonna start calling her \u2018Technicolor.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Minnie picked up her coat and put it on. \u201cWell, she isn\u2019t Technicolor now. She\u2019s simply black-and-white. She got caught in one of those automatic sprinkler systems at her son\u2019s house, and it rinsed all the color out.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pap grunted. \u201cI don\u2019t know why women fuss with their hair so much. They should leave the color alone. Leave it natural, the way God intended. Who cares if it gets gray? I don\u2019t. The whitened hair of the elderly is a crown, isn\u2019t that what the Bible says?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Minnie replied. \u201cI wasn\u2019t there when it was written.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, if it doesn\u2019t, it should say that,\u201d Pap insisted. \u201cI\u2019m not ashamed of being old. Seventy-five years is something to be proud of. Don\u2019t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n

Everyone mumbled their agreements. Frank watched his father curiously. Something was happening that he hadn\u2019t seen in years.<\/p>\n

Pap\u2019s voice got darker and angrier as his face turned red. \u201cYou tell those people at the church I said that, too. There\u2019s nothing wrong with being old. Tell me I\u2019m too old to teach my class. Tell me I can\u2019t do it anymore. I can do it. I\u2019ve been a good Sunday school teacher. Over fifty years at that church, teaching those kids, and now they say I can\u2019t\u2014\u201d Pap suddenly stopped himself. He looked at each one of them. \u201cWhat are you gawking at?\u201d He poked a threatening finger at Greg. \u201cEat your stew!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Pap.\u201d Greg turned to the table and started to dish out the stew. Vicki, her eyes never leaving her grandfather, also sat down and pulled a bowl towards her.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s all this?\u201d Frank asked Minnie quietly.<\/p>\n

Minnie shook her head. \u201cThe elders at the church asked him to quit teaching his Sunday school class. It\u2019s … he hasn\u2019t …\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t talk about me like I\u2019m not here,\u201d Pap said.<\/p>\n

Minnie walked over to Pap and touched his arm gently. \u201cDon\u2019t worry about it, Walter. You\u2019ve been a good teacher. Bob Simpson said he became a preacher because of your teaching, and he\u2019s somewhere in Africa as a missionary. And who knows who else has …\u201d She seemed lost for words. \u201cNone of us will know the kind of influence you\u2019ve had until we gather in heaven, but … well, don\u2019t worry about it. The folks at the church don\u2019t mean anything by it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Pap stood pouting with his arms folded across his chest. \u201cSo I lose my place and ramble a bit. Younger folks do it and no one thinks anything of it.\u201d He lapsed into a brooding silence.<\/p>\n

Aunt Minnie looked at Frank and Colleen with a sympathetic expression, and then she leaned over Greg and whispered, \u201cIt\u2019s not him. Just forget about it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Greg nodded. Minnie gave Pap a quick kiss on the cheek and walked out.<\/p>\n

They all sat down to a silence thicker than Pap\u2019s stew.<\/p>\n

Frank was relieved that it didn\u2019t taste like dog food.<\/p>\n

Copyrighted by Paul McCusker
\nall rights reserved<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is one family’s struggle with Alzheimers disease and its progression. The one thing that is certain is change.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,13,21,16,6,9],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[1108],"class_list":["post-2786","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","category-caregivers-experiences-ideas","category-children-youth","category-diseases-illnesses-conditions","category-eldercare","category-mental-health-emotional-issues"],"authors":[{"term_id":1108,"user_id":0,"is_guest":1,"slug":"paul-mccusker","display_name":"Paul McCusker","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/?s=96&d=mm&r=g","1":"","2":"","3":"","4":"","5":"","6":"","7":"","8":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2786","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2786"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2786\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4290,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2786\/revisions\/4290"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2786"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2786"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2786"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/care-givers.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/ppma_author?post=2786"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}