No two caregivers share the same situation, the same feelings, the same attitudes towards their responsibilities nor the same functions or duties required of them. The DO, however, share the one underlying factor which unites them in an unshakeable bond which is felt by all but understood by few. I’m speaking of STRESS.
We live in a fast-paced, high dollar, expensive consumer-oriented world of today which is experienced by nearly everyone. We each learn to cope with the detrimental factors as best we can and let the chips fall where they may. Most people are swept up in this attitude of getting to the top of the ladder of success, and we hear the daily news bulletins which often proclaim the negative circumstances that occur before many ever reach the top of that ladder. The negativity from the Stock Market, the high profile divorces in marriages where money was no issue at all, the latch key children who are picked up for attempting to sell dope while both parents remain at work trying to go that “extra mile.”
This is not to infer that none of these outside pressures don’t touch the lives of the caregiver. Many do. However, I’d like to wager that when the word “stress” is mentioned in the presence of a caregiver, quite a different perspective or point of view comes to mind. Caring for a loved one, particularly on a 24/7 schedule, causes not only mental but physical hardships on the caregiver, and if the loved one is terminally ill, the pschological pressures multiply tenfold. This is why caregivers need to understand the underlying meaning of stress and how to try to manage it with regards to their individual situations.
Before one can learn to manage stress, one must know exactly what it is or what is causing it in his/her life. It’s not JUST the fact that the caregiver has additional responsibilites or emotional issues with which to deal. And while all caregivers have it, it is indeed different for each one. Stress is the perception that the caregiver is being threatened either physically or psychologically, with an underlying fear of being powerless to be able to handle or control whatever they perceive the threat to be.
Can you see just where fear fits into your situation? Fear of not being an adequate caregiver? Fear that you may not administer medicine correctly? Fear that your actions may cause your loved one to feel worse? Fear that you may have hurt your loved one by lashing out at him/her during your last conversation without meaning to? Or perhaps the ultimate fear of losing your loved one before either of you is ready for that final “goodbye.”
Each of you probably takes it for granted that stress will be a 24/7 companion to you throughout your caregiving endeavors. What you need to learn is how to pay attention to your own body and recognize the danger signals of stress, for only then can you learn how to overcome THEIR power on you and manage yourself.
Caregivers often are forced to become sedintary due to cicumstances beyond their control. This factor in combination with the fear underlying constant stress, can cause a lengthy list of medical problems to arise for the caregiver. And although you may want to ignore or circumvent those problems, give this a thought. If you get ill, who will care for your loved one? If you get ill, how much sicker will your loved one become out of worry for you? It would behoove all of you to listen to your bodies and pay attention to little subtle changes.
How many of you have experiences little physical cues from your body such as constant headaches, stiff or sore necks, gritting or grinding your teeth, clenching your jaw muscles, having trouble breathing without an apparent reason, the feeling of a knot in your stomach, lack of appetite, an increase in drinking or smoking when you’re “on a break” from your responsibilities, diarrhea, nausea, or even personality changes such as emotional outbursts, crying uncontrollably or shouting and/or swearing? Do any of these apply to changes in YOU since you became a caregiver? If so, you need immediately to learn how to recognize the symptoms of one or more of these approaching and deal with them before they consume your entire being.
The key to stress management is believing. If we believe we are in control of the situation or can get help that will allow us to remain in control, stress should diminish. Obviously in this field there are things over which we have no control, and it is at those times that you need to learn how to recognize that fact and realize that fear is no longer a choice for you. Fear can only bestow both physical and psychological harm on your being, and now that you are aware of what fear stems from you no longer need to choose it as an option.
Each and every caregiver needs to learn a relaxation response. You don’t have to wait for fear to begin creeping up from within, for you can practice this response at any time you simply want to feel more relaxed. You need to stay in the present moment and concentrate on anything that provides you with peace, be it a prayer, soothing music or a beautiful nature scene. Practice taking very slow, deep breaths. Place your hands on your stomach and feel it rise up as if it were a balloon as you slowly breathe in. As you slowly breathe out, the “balloon” should let all of the air out, leaving you with a flat stomach. During this breathing, your brain will receive messages of relaxation which in turn will be sent to all nerve centers of the body. The more you pay attention to your breathing, the less nervous and fearful you will be and the less effect that stress will have on your well being.
Listen to your body. Pay attention to the little “cues.” The next time you feel those shoulders tightening up – STOP. Right then, breathe slowly and deeply until all muscles are in use. Concentrate on whatever image brings you the most peace, and let that image remain with you as you return to tending to your loved one.
Caregiving is a stressful situation within itself. By choosing to concentrate on peaceful images, the relationship between caregiver and patient may change drastically without either one every knowing why. Isn’t it worth a try?
Patti St. Clair
