If you haven’t yet had the opportunity to see the incredible new Kevin Spacey/Helen Hunt/Haley Ormont movie entitled “Pay It Forward,” I’ll “live” share with you the show’s underlying theme. Upon receiving a gift (not necessarily monetary and not necessarily from someone you know) from another, you should in turn attempt or complete three such acts to others within the span of your lifetime. Those three individuals who you select will in turn select three, and so on and so on. Theoretically, in time, this would results in a kinder, gentler world in which we, as adults, may live long enough to reside in but one in which our children would most certainly have the chance to experience.
As I sat spellbound by the movie’s unfolding events, I suddenly became aware that mine was not the only tear-streaked face in the theater. And by the movie’s closing scenes, I witnessed grown men dabbing at their eyes to hold back escaping tears. I realized then that it wasn’t merely the movie’s scenes causing the emotional displays. It was the reality that so few of us have actually taken the steps necessary to make this theory a reality without being prompted by an idealistic Hollywood script writer.
What, I’m sure you’re asking, does this have to do with me? Aren’t I doing my share by caring for my loved one? Isn’t it enough that I’ve given up any “normal” life to stay with my dying parent? Isn’t the fact that I’m caring for my disabled child enough of a “good deed” to last a lifetime? And each time I feed my elderly mother who has no idea who I am important enough to make a difference?
The answer to all of your questions is “yes.” All caregivers make a difference not just in the lives of their loved ones but to the world in general. And as more and more adults take on the health care of their parents, their spouses or their disabled children, life as we’ve all known it shifts into a different format with changing priorities.
Now I ask you to examine why you serve as a caregiver. Is it by choice? In many cases, I think not. Was it forced upon you? I find it hard to believe that anyone held a gun to your head as you agreed to take on the care of another individual. And yet so many of you would be quick to assert that there was no one else available to do the job you’re doing or to give the unending amount of love you are providing to your loved one.
This leaves God, or your Higher Power, as the one who chose you to be a caregiver. Only He could have created the circumstances that made it possible or feasible for you to assume the responsibility of holding the life of another in your hands. How very special can this make you feel, knowing that the Creator of this universe saw a quality in you that set you apart from others in your family or close-knit circle? Whether it was the depth of your love, your unending patience or your ability to handle the irregularities of a caregiver’s schedule, He realized that you had what it took to care for the needs of a dependent loved one.
Because of this, God has “paid it forward” to each of you. Theoretically each of you now has the obligation of doing the same to three people within your lifetime.
All of you carry a heavy weight in tending to a loved one’s needs. Obviously you have are still are “paying it forward” with the one for whom you caregive.
But do you feel that this one time-consuming responsibility should be your only life-altering action? We all should realize that we have an obligation to each other, and there is no one better than a caregiver to know that. Caregiving doesn’t stop with family members. Caregivers reach out to other caregivers. In today’s world, there are elderly citizens freezing to death in winter and dying when summer temperatures remain over 100 degrees for days in a row, for they have no funds for additional electrical appliances or higher utility bills. There are children attending school with no shoes because parents are laid off from low-paying jobs. There are disabled adults who die from starvation because their town has no meals-on-wheels program and they have no family to see to their basic needs. The list is endless.
Your Higher Power has given you the opportunity to make a difference in another person’s life. You, in turn, have assumed the responsibility in caring for the needs of a loved one. Is it so inconceivable that in the span of your lifetime, you can take that caregiving a step further? We all need to be cared for – emotionally as well as physically. Who better to meet this challenge than those who truly know the real meaning of the word “caregiver?”
Patti St.Clair
Copyright October 2000
