This morning, I woke up mad.
I woke up mad because I went to bed mad as a result of an argument with Alison.
Yeah, I know—there’s a shocker.
If you’ve read this column for any length of time, you already know that she, like no other, can push my buttons faster and harder than anyone.
I held on to my mad-ness through breakfast, through strapping the kids into the car for school, through not waving at her as she drove off.
I carried my grouchy, righteousness throughout the bike ride straight into my office.
I got a grip and I’m hangin’ on.
Sometimes, I like being mad.
Intellectually I know that holding onto junk turns me into a junkyard. It’s just that—well—sometimes I don’t feel very intellectual. I’m quite content mired in my stuff, grumping up a storm.
I think I’ll wallow for a spell.
Most of us have a hard time giving up on being “right”. We take ourselves so seriously, addicted to our own self-importance.
“If only that insensitive, uncaring, take-me-for-granted, ungrateful so-and-so would do what I wanted her (or him) to do…”
Huh?
“What I wanted…???”
You mean this is about me?
Yep.
Always.
Confucius once said:
“Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass.”
It makes no difference who did or said what.
If you hold onto it, you own it.
More often than not, the object of your grudge goes about their daily business oblivious to your extra load.
You lug it by yourself, for yourself and by choice.
Here come the “yeah-buts.”
“Yeah, but she’s the one that…”
“Yeah, but he’s the bozo that…”
He or she touched a raw nerve?
Who belongs to that nerve?
Is it their job to fix your nervous system?
I don’t think so.
Physician, heal thyself.
We need to pay more attention to our mental refuse, morph from garbage collectors to garbage men, dumping not gathering.
What burden could you unload today?
Who could you reach out and touch?
If the words “I’m sorry” seem to freeze on your tongue and send your mouth into a twitter, could you at least check in with that tarnished relationship, make an attempt at conciliation?
“Hey, I know our interaction didn’t turn out so well the other night. I wanted to call and see how you’re doing…”
Something.
You’ll be amazed at how quickly you jettison useless debris.
We’re all connected.
Your efforts to deep-six karmic slop will ripple like a pebble thrown into a pond. If you take the first leap, chances are she or he will respond in kind.
What if the ripples start to spread?
My self-imposed trash-pack suddenly feels too heavy and a wonderful woman that I fell in love with deserves an apology.
I gotta’ make a call.
That’s A View From The Ridge…
Ridgely Goldsborough
