My Grama spent a lot of her last ten years home alone — the last two or more totally in her bed. She had Parkinson’s Disease, but her biggest problem was grief over my grandfather’s death. She just never recovered from the depression and her mourning period never ended. She prayed every night to join him in Heaven and woke every morning wondering why she was still here.
My Grama was a very generous and loving mother. Her daughter and two sons were always bringing kids home with them, to play, to eat, to stay for a week. She never batted an eyelash. Her motto seemed to be: “There’s always room for one more”. When one of Grama’s sisters died, she took her niece home and raised her along with her own children. Grama was always doing something for someone — a neighbor, a relative, a friend, a coworker, one of Grampa’s coworkers.
Then Grampa died and she didn’t want to go out anymore. At first everyone came and they hovered, they asked what they could do. People promised to help in any way they could, then went home and seldom came back or called. She sat there day after day after day — all alone.
She became irritable — who wouldn’t? When anyone did come to visit she was cranky and complained and criticized. People came even less often. Afterall, who wanted to visit with a bitter old woman? When she died, the family had private services, per her wishes, and people — her “friends” — complained bitterly that they weren’t allowed to say good-bye.
I say they had ten very long years to say good-bye. They forfeited the privilege when they ignored her silent pleas for their visits. When they visited and found her in a bad mood, why didn’t they do something to cheer her up rather than leave quickly and not come again? Do you know anyone who is home alone a lot or perhaps living in a nursing home or some other type of housing where they aren’t capable of going wherever they want, whenever they want?
Please do yourself a favor and plan a visit today. You don’t have to go every day and you don’t have to stay for hours and you don’t have to take expensive gifts. Just go. There are fourteen hundred and forty (1,440) minutes in every day, surely you can spare thirty of them. Take magazines to share, pictures of your grandkids, a small portion of macaroni salad left over from last night’s dinner. Give him or her a manicure. Whatever! Take a lined pad, some envelopes or even a few postcards, and stamps. Offer to write notes for your house bound friend. Offer to come again and bring a spiral note pad and help them record important events in their life.
What a surprise that would be for their children. Take that video of your grandchild’s birthday party and have a good laugh together.
Take a teddy bear with a long ribbon tied to it’s neck. It can be tied to the bed rail, so it won’t ever get far from their reach. Together you can decide what to name it and be sure to hug it before you leave. Tell your friend that every time he or she feels lonely to hug the bear. Every time you take a hug from the bear — you put one back in — it’s so full of hugs, it will never run out.
Just don’t wait — visit today! I promise you will never regret it.
Copyright by Shaywardncr 10/31/99
